The
steady rain falling outside my window confirms that we appear to have made it
into August. August, of course, means
(i) the start of the trainee recruitment season; and (ii) the start of the
grouse shooting season. Note to self: do
not on any account muddle these two.
This
year has been a bumper year. For
trainees, I don’t know about the grouse.
We’ve had 357 applications for two positions. Which means, not only that it’s
statistically harder to get a training contract here than it is to get a training
contract at some of the best known firms in the City but also that on the same
statistical basis our intrepid applicants probably have a higher chance of
being obliterated by a meteorite on the way to post their application than they
do of actually receiving an offer of a training contract from us.
357
applications is a lot to read. Even if
I could read and evaluate an application in ten minutes that would equate to 60
hours reading applications. Which is more time than I have, but there
again when someone has distilled their life and career hopes into one letter
and CV and then braved the risk of a meteorite strike in order to post them,
ten minutes is surely the least they are entitled to. And I do try to give every application
careful individual consideration, and to remember that each applicant is a
valuable individual in their own right, I really do. But this is made much more difficult by the fact
that almost all the applicants write
the same letter. It goes something like
this:
“Dear
Mr Bear
I
am writing to apply for a training contract.
I
have had a keen interest in the law since the age of six months. I
am passionate about the law and even more passionate about being a trainee at your
firm. If I had looked “passionate” up in the dictionary I would have
realised that it means “(i) Dominated by strong emotions, often to the
exclusion of reason (ii) Wrathful by temperament; choleric; and (iii)
unable to control one’s sexual urges” and that my being absolutely passionate
about my chosen career effectively disqualifies me from it but, hey, they all
say that they’re passionate in The Apprentice, so it must be the right thing to
say, Lord Sugar. I am absolutely passionate
and committed to pursuing a legal career at Better Firm Thanyou. Damn,
sorry, I meant “at your firm”, must have got my global edit wrong, please read
all references in this letter to “Better Firm Thanyou” as being references to your
firm.
My
commitment to the law is further demonstrated by the fifty two work placements that
I have been on in legal firms. The fact that not one of them has
offered me a training contract remains one of the great unsolved mysteries of
our time. Bastards the lot of them! I’d much rather work for Better
Firm Thanyou anyway. I mean, for your firm, sorry. I have
also carried out valuable work for charity. I spent a week in Africa
teaching African children about the English legal system, which I believe will
have put their many problems in perspective. I also took part in a
sponsored “Get pissed as a newt” night at university in aid of Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Besides
being passionate I am hard working. But, obviously, also fun loving, I
wouldn’t want you to think I’m a nerd. I am a strong individual who
is self motivated and can work without supervision. But, clearly, also a
good team player. And I have excellent attention to detale.
In
conclusion, I hope that I have demonstrated that I am really passionate about a
career at your firm.
Yours
sincerely
Your
Future Trainee (Not).
PS. If
you don’t want me, there’s always Better Firm Thanyou.”
You think I
exaggerate? Well, yes, maybe, but only
slightly. After all, what are blogs for? And it’s not that the applications I receive
are bad letters. Quite the
reverse. They are carefully crafted and
no doubt say all the applicant wants to say.
Perhaps
that’s precisely the point. This letter
says everything the applicant wants
to say. But does it display much thought
about what the person reading it is thinking or feeling as they plough through
357 applications? What are they looking
for in a trainee? Why are they
recruiting trainees in the first place?
What are they looking for in an application? What would make an application stand out
from the other 356? As an exercise in persuasion this letter
(sadly) may miss the mark because it doesn’t address the things the person
receiving it wants to hear.
Mediation
advocacy shouldn’t be like that. At
trial, advocates concentrate on putting across their case, and there’s nothing
wrong with that. But a mediation is not
a trial, the mediator is not a judge, and the purpose of mediation advocacy is not
to put across a case, but to persuade
the opponent, to actually get them to move
their position. Which requires an
imaginative leap from the advocate, to see things from the other side’s
perspective, and to address the issues they
need to have addressed if they are to move.
It’s not easy, but when it’s done well (and I often see it done
brilliantly) it’s powerful and (literally) moving.
Stupid Bear.
