An exciting week in the Bear mailbox. First, and out of
the blue, an email from the Real Government of Nigeria. It seems that they
have chosen me - yes, me! - to be their "Official Financial Representative" in
the UK. And they're willing to pay handsomely for the privilege. In return
for allowing the Bear bank account to be used for some "100% legitimate and
above board financial transactions", they are willing to pay me a commission of
33% on each transaction, with a minimum guaranteed payment of £500,000. All I
have to do is email them my bank account details and passwords, and then sit
back and wait for the money to roll in.......
As if that wasn't
enough, this week I also received an email from MyRussianWife. Honesty compels
me to admit that I wasn't actually aware that I had a Russian wife. Which is
slightly worrying; as we get older we must all accept that our memories may not
be quite what they were, but the fact that I have a Russian wife is, I confess,
the kind of detail that I would have expected to remember. But, it must be
true, because the proof is sitting in my Inbox, with attached photo. And very
nice she looks too. Though Russia clearly isn't the cold country that I had
imagined, judging by how little she is wearing. Once again, all I have to do is
to email her my bank account details and passwords, and then "we can be together
as we are meant to be". Which is quite convenient, as I've already got them
ready for the Real Government of Nigeria. My only slight concern is what Mrs
Bear will make of MyRussianWife. But at least the money from the Real
Government of Nigeria means that we shall all three be able to live in the
manner to which MyRussianWife would no doubt like to become accustomed. Yes, my
days of staying in the Premier Inn are over!
But momentous
(not to say life changing) as these were, the emails this week that gave me the
greatest pleasure were the acceptances from mediation-1st's three new mediators.
(In strictly alphabetical order!) Fortune Ncube joins us to specialise in
medical and clinical negligence and personal injury mediation. His experience
as a GP and senior consultant as well as as an expert witness makes him uniquely
suited to the role. Jenny Boyce brings her specialist knowledge of the
publishing, media and cultural industries to mediations in those sectors. And
Paul Evans, as a part-time Employment Judge with many years experience acting
for employers, employees, and trade unions, is perfectly placed to conduct
workplace and employment mediations. Fortune, Jenny, Paul, welcome.
You, dear Reader,
will of course have noticed that in welcoming these mediators to our panel, we
have gravely breached what appears to be an unwritten protocol amongst mediation
providers. This protocol says that each mediation providers' panel shall
consist of at least 500 mediators, all of whom are also on lots of other panels,
and all of whom appear to do the same kind of work, thereby making the mediation
user's choice more difficult, but whose fees (just to keep it interesting!) are
all different, and whose individual fees and availability are both subject to
considerations of National Security, and disclosed only on a need to know basis. Sorry about that. But if you are looking for six magnificent mediators (ok,
five magnificent mediators and one Stupid Bear), each of whom actually knows
something about their own specialist areas, whose fees are fixed and
transparent, and whose availability is only a click away, you know where to find
them. And if you need a Russian mediator, well, just give MyRussianWife a
week or two to get over here, and find some clothes, and we may be able to
help......
Stupid Bear.
